New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
