I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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