i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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