A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
