had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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