It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize