Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
