A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
either way he was missing a nipple.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
