And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
