Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
