He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's like iHOP with fire
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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