Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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