Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize