jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
