Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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