Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
