just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
false alarm, still single
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
