Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
