Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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