what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
