My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
