I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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