u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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