lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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