If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
