Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
