We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
