I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
