I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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