I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
