there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
