Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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