Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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