we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
