Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
