I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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