when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
