you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
