we have pet lesbian snakes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
