for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
