btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
