i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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