dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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