i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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