He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
