the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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