I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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