I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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