Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
