No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize