Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
