I've blown a few things in my day
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
