someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
