I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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