I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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