What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
