It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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